my first love was chewbacca

PUBLISHED 11 March 2009 21:23

Since birth, I’ve never really been normal. I think this might explain my rather odd first love story. Circa 1991, most of my pre-school peers were infatuated with Christopher Gillan(?). Though Christopher was a debonair whippersnapper, his L.A. Gears failed to catch my eye.

I was in the market for something with a little bit of chest hair. All right—a whole lot of chest hair. My first love was the star of the original “Star Wars” trilogy. Yes, that’s right. I fell in love with the Wookie—not Harrison Ford—but the 7-foot, 3-inch man-dog-beast-thing that communicates via disparate [wookie growling noise].

For a good year and a half, Chewbacca and I were inseparable. We were like two peas in a pod. A proverbial space pod, heading towards Chewbacca’s home planet, Kashyyyk. Like any love story starring Hugh Grant, our ephemeral passion can never be truly encapsulated.

I guess the following montage sequence will have to suffice. [Montage]

I’ll never stop loving you Chewie!