my first love was my first boyfriend

PUBLISHED 1 April 2009 12:52

We went to the same school for over eight years and we only started speaking to each other during the fifth year. He was my first boyfriend. In fact, first everything. First date, first kiss, first sex, first love. (Well, it was more like first love then first sex, hehe). I’ve been very picky with guys. If I were to go out with someone, it had to be worth it. When we finally met, I knew we clicked. But he didn’t know that till after a little later…

When we first started going out I never thought it would last long. I thought to myself, right, I’ll give this eight months. Eight months past and we’re still together. I knew it was serious from the moment he said he loved me first. When I heard those words come out of his mouth, I thought to myself: What have I gotten myself into? Don’t get me wrong, it’s what I wanted to hear but, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I loved my family before or even, more. I was scared.

Lets fast forward about three and bit years later. We were still together, now 19. We were happily in love. Until… He had to move out the country. My heart was shattering bit by bit as the day he and his family leaves draw closer. He did everything he could to stay but he there was no hope, no choice but to leave. I’ve grown attached to his family too, I felt like they were my second parents. They were ever so lovely to me.

Neither of us could bear the idea of being miles apart. I spent my nights crying myself to sleep. While he tried to brush it off. I wanted to talk about it, but he wanted to forget about it. Till, a week before he leaves, we talked.

I’ve been depressed for over a month. All I could ever think about was him leaving. But he couldn’t bear the fact that he was, it had been hurting him too much, so he kept putting it aside till we had this talk.

I told him that it was best to break up. Those were the most difficult words that I had ever said. I lied about us growing apart and that there was no spark between us anymore. I told him that long-distance is never going to work, considering he hated talking online. That was true though. I’ve said what I had to say, the damage was done, and then it was his turn.

He told me that I was perfect. He told told me that he and I are together at a wrong time in our lives and that if it were later… He paused. He dared not continue. This guy really loved me. And I love him too dearly, but sometimes I think, he loved me more than I loved him.

We decided to give long distance a try. I was hopeful. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. After about four months apart, a month before our fourth anniversary, neither of us could bear it. The different timezones and the new lives each of us now have. It was getting very difficult to maintain our relationship.

Seven months has now passed. I still haven’t spoken to him since our mutual break-up. I still miss him. I still think of him each day. Till now I don’t know whether to think that break-up was a good thing or not. He meant the world to me. All I can do now is to hold my head high and keep walking forward, hoping that I’d meet him again.

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